neoniris

Goodbye My Lovers

2009-09-01T02:45:00.003+08:00

FYI,

I've moved to another blog, so so long ago. And so I thought a new chapter in life, with a new blog. So catch me if you can :) (hint hint, my new link can be found somewhere)

I'll miss you, neoniris.
Keeping you for memories' sake.

Before The Worst

2009-08-08T01:18:00.002+08:00

Nat-tasha,
A friendship is about to undergo a dramatic and life-altering change. You are confused and possibly upset about someone else's motives, but it is your own heart that needs to be examined. Have you been truly loving, or were you clinging out of need?

Eh, why the facebook horoscope is always accurate uh? Psychiccccc! Okay, facebook's been taking forever to upload, so is multiply. And i'm abit tad lazy to blog. Too much photos this week. My laptop is lagging worst than it is already is -.-

LEGAL!

2009-08-05T14:06:00.004+08:00

HELLO I AM EIGHTEEN AND I AM FINALLY LEGAL BABY!

Despite having someone who spoils my mood when it was nearing to 12 am, I am fine now and Happpppppy :D (You don't wana know how much vulgarities I shouted at Bany cos I was venting my anger) Haha, sorry abt that Bany! He called to wish Happy Birthday, I was shouting vulgarities -.-

Anywas, a big THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY who wish me via sms, phonecalls, msn, facebook, twitter, face to face and to my little cousins who sang me a cute birthday song :)

Can't wait for laterrrsxsxsxx and friday, saturday and next tuesday!
I smell the best birthday everrr. hehehehe

Hibernate-Mode

2009-08-04T15:56:00.005+08:00

Hello world. I skipped school for 2 days again -.- Last friday and yesterday. I think its good that I didn't come yesterday cos my head was spinning right round and I felt feverish most of the time, thanks to anonymous who spreads the virus to me. Well, alright I think I'm pissed and i should be pissed at myself for not waking up and cannot wake up for school! Darn. I really wanted to stop skipping classes, but yeah lah whatever. It happens already.

But however, today I'm proud of myself. Okay, I was so determined my plan would work this time. Usually, i'll sleep at 3 or 4-ish, which will only make me wake up 9 plus am, when my class has already started? This morning, I was so tense and nervous, because I was afraid I could not wake up. I actually came out with a plan to not sleep at all! So I did everything to keep me awake, editing photos, editing this and that, watching tv series. But my eyes gave up at around 530 am, and I decided to give myself a break and set up 3 alarms to wake me up and also asked Bany for help to give me a wake up call. Haha. Well, I did woke at 7 am :)) Happy or whatttttt!

Anyway, this few days I feel like I'm on hibernation mode. I just felt sick, and dizzy and had pms and had to stand on 4 inch sandals for 6 hours and the weather is so bloody hot and Saturday's plans went down the drain and I was barred from smoking. There's more. In simple terms, I was feeling very cranky lah, I only felt like talking to certain people. Haha. Perangai kalah org menopause. A month ago, I was all psyched up for my 18th birthday but when it comes to my actual birthday itself, I have no mood at all.

Well, today should be better, although I'm still not feeling well and I'm still having pms on my birthday :( Its not cool to be sick on your birthday, so God please make me feel better. Haha. Should be alright though, pretty pscyhed about the plans tmr. Hehe. But I'm so lethargic today due to serious lack of sleep, I have a feeling I'm gonna fall asleep when the clock strikes 12 itself :/

Anyhooos, I wonder why recently great movies just keep bombing the box office since the recent Harry Potter movie, which I watched twice -.- So far, The Hangover and Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak is not a disappointment. Which is awesomeeeee!

The Hangover & Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak.

The next movies, I wana catch is this!
Public Enemies
Fighting.

UP!
G.I Joe
Coco (Before Chanel)
Bruno
Gamer

Where Got Ghost?

Orphan

Final Destination 4
& The Proposal

Psyched! Psyched! Psyched!
I'm a sucker for moviessssss.

Cause Its Too Late Now

2009-07-30T00:10:00.004+08:00

@ Givenchy's Backstage

I know, I know. Even the High Fashion models are starting to eat already. Kudos to no-more-stick-thin models! But I can't help it, honestly now after I've eaten I will feel really bad, so bad I feel like throwing up. Am not anorexic lah -.- (Does my body even look like one? HAHA). Maybe its just the weather been making me such headaches. I want slimmer legs! I have a huge appetite, I am a food lover, & I crave for different type of food almost everyday. So how? :( Sedih or what. I work and have school at the same time, I juggle my free time to friends and family. I barely have time for myself and insomnia's been drenching me out. There is simply no time to go for a swim. Baaaa... I think I'm fated to be fat ah. Haha. Not fat lah, mampat abit. Haha.

Geeeeez, today I came to school after a long time. Chey, padehal 2 days only. And was surprise by Sam that today was going to be the last problem statement for Digital Media. For the rest of the 2 weeks, is all about us making a Portfolio, individual work. Kanasai right their perangai? Left 3 weeks to the end of Semester 1 then they're starting to give us serious work and stressing us out. Grr. And there's like UT3 upcoming next week, I've yet to get my laptop's problem fixed (too much viruses, and lagging like tortoise), I've yet to approach I.T helpdesk for help regarding the UT client. I better do it quick before I need to do my tests hands on again! Been doing that for History and Arts Criticism. I swear my hands felt numb doing essay like questions. Its been a long time since I write that much, dude. Haha. Mum's been real naggy, because I've still not spring clean my room even though we bought a lot of things for my room @ ikea last Monday. She even have a due date set for me -.- My Indonesian relatives have arrived in SG for the wedding this Sunday, and they're gonna pay a visit to my house. There's like so many things to do, and so many things happening and there's so little time. Zzzzz...

I Make Em Good Girls Go Bad

2009-07-28T12:32:00.002+08:00

I almost choked on my food last night when I saw Leighton Messter on Mtv with Cobra Starship. Haha okay abit shock like that lah. But anyways, she looks hotter here!

I want to cry today, because my Daddy say I gain weight and I'm fat already :(
Hahaha. Thats the reason why I am fasting today. So hungry!

IGNITE '09

2009-07-27T17:20:00.018+08:00

I let loose and had awesome fun last friday @ Ignite 2009. How about you? :)

Dilemma

2009-07-25T03:48:00.002+08:00

When I just wanted to start settling down with my life (not getting married lah), I realised there's alot more things and events coming up in the next few months. Hmm like Hari Raya, UT3(!), National Day, family wedding, my birthday. Ehem ehem. Haha. And lots more. Sometimes I don't know when there will be a time for me to just sit down and home, being planless. Unless I ditch school of course, like what I did last Wednesday. Boy, was I so happy to be at home all day, resting my butt, and do the things I want to do. And the best thing is, coincidentally it was raining in the morning (the reason why I can't woke up to school) and everyone seemed so busy with their stuffs. I can't actually recall when was the last I watch a DVD movie at home, without anyone disturbing.

Its already close to the end of Semester 1 :( How time flies when we're having fun, huh? I will definitely miss Justyn Olby's Photography class and Sam's Digital Media Class because from the looks of it, my modules for the next semester are so theoretical -based. None practical like those 2 modules. Boring...

Haha okay so the results of the modules that I will be taking next semester are already out!
And I have to take these next Semester;

Art Of Story
Anthropological Studies
Interaction Design
Interactive Entertainment

As usual, I am always having a dilemma in choosing an elective module.

Production Practicum
Expression Of Form
Sound Design
Music Theory
Arts Management
Arts Marketing
Stage Management
Production Design
New Media Installation
Short Media Production

Okay, I shall give a deep thought about it. Hmmm...

I know my blog's getting dusty. Haha, I can't help it. Blogger's taking so long to upload photos -.-

Heart's Longing

2009-07-21T01:04:00.010+08:00

I think these photos are due 2 or 3 months back? Haha whatever it is, my purpose of inserting these photos is because, I was browsing through my photo albums and found this. I am missing a whole list of people now, especially you guys, Ad and SitiSha! With regards to the tags, Ad meet me sooooon for the ehem ehem okay! Siti too :)

Been feeling really cranky these few days. Can't help it, I really feel exhausted and sleepy. And it resulted of me having a major migraine and body weakness for 3 days already. It just don't feel good. Hurhur.

Sidetrack, I've been really having fun hanging out with friends these few weeks, I just don't have the time to blog about it and I'm just plain lazy. Hehe. Oh crap, back to analysing ancient art, oil paintings, sculptures later and test after school. Today is going to be a long day and its just TUESDAY. Weekends come quick!

The Long Wait

2009-07-19T22:37:00.004+08:00

"Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person ; wait for the person who will be your best friend , the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a tee shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them. And most of all, wait for the person who will put you up at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong."

I wouldn't mind waiting, for The One.

Revenge Is Sweeter Than You Ever Were

2009-07-18T02:10:00.003+08:00

I saw it in the news
You told me they were wrong
And I stood up for you
'Cause I believed you were the one

You had all the chances in the world
To let me know the truth
What the hell's wrong with you?

Are you even listening when I talk to you?
Do you even care what I'm going through?
Your eyes stare and they're staring right through me
You're right there but it's like you never knew me

Do you even know how much it hurt,
That you gave up on me to be with her?
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were

I'm so mad at you right now
I can't even find the words
And you're on the way down
I can't wait to see you burn
You try to make me hate that girl
When I should be hating you
What the hell's wrong with you?

Nothing can save you now that it's over
I guess that you'll find out when you're no one
Don't say you're sorry now 'cause I just don't care

Nothing can save you now, nothing

Its not that I don't believe in love.
I don't believe in those who screwed my trust, love, faith, time, effort, sincerity, everything.
Now, give me reasons to prove me wrong.

Why must you come back when I'm just over you, baby?

Sleep Deprivation

2009-07-17T00:41:00.004+08:00

I've been feeling oh so exhausted this week. Okay, I've always been feeling tired but this week/few weeks is an exception. I keep having sleepless nights or have 2 or 3 hours of sleep per day even though after a whole day out. I can't help it really. I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO SLEEP EARLY! I think there's something wrong with me or something. Hmmmm... :\ This is a big problem, because I feel too tired for school and i'll ended up skipping classes like today. Well not only skipping or being late for school, it goes the same for work too! Which rarely happens. Oh no. Been busy too, which makes me extra exhausted. Mumsie has been pestering me to take a day off from everything. A "no plans day", she say. Because of the need to clean up my overflowing wardrobe. Sheesh, I thought off day can relax relax? Speakng of which, I think I'm in desperate need of a break. Sentosa anyone? Haha.

You're In My Mind

2009-07-09T15:09:00.004+08:00

Life's been a whole lot better these days. Been busy spending a lot of time at school (besides today), lepak with them boys till the wee hours almost every night, with gfs,family gatherings and birthday parties. (I miss the escapians alot!) I'm pretty contented with my life now. Aren't u happy for me?

K chiaosssss. Gotta meet Ath at town for some shopping! And the picture post is taking too much timeeeee. So lazyyyy.

Cross That Line

2009-06-25T01:13:00.015+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday Sharina!
Hope you like your bday present :)

Sharina's 18th retro themed party was awesome yesterday night. Minus the part we got lost, with the taxi driver himself. All of them! And the shuttle bus took forever to reach. But anyhoos, since I fell into a deep sleep and ditched Fazz and Haikal's plan to watch Transformers with them, I had to meet them at Tanah Merah instead. I was the only one living in the East lah kan. So I was early. Met the STA kids and Nadhzry there. I swear the shuttle bus should just shut down their stupid service. 15 bucks cab fare, unknowledgeable and rude taxi drivers, we reached National Service Resort Country Club. All hail Haikal's iPhone. Lol, the only reliable thing.

Okay, more photos will be upload at FB soon. I am still in love with the country club and bungalow can? Super posh, windy, nice atmosphere and company. And we had another problem. Problem with going back. Always the transport problem. Me, Nat Yeo and Jared had to work this long ulu road. Which didn't had cabs around -.- But then there was this nice couple who was willing to share us in their cab till the main road. How nice is that! Home sweet home, but I had a feverrrrrrr. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Member nk step poker face. Haha

Sick = lousy feelinggggg. But Aidil Alfian here decided to cheer me up. He was super funny, I tell you. He keep dancing to BackstreetBoys,Akon songs. Dah feeling feeling dance ni semua, in the end he got shy and hide himself under his beanie. Haha, I don't know why I find it cute when pple are naturally shy. And he send me this Bobby Lee's? video which was fucking funny. Well, in simple terms, thank you to him for cheering me up. Oh did I tell you he was a very old friend who doesn't rmbr me at all? Sad case right. Haha.

So the case of H1N1 at Rp has been spreading like news kalah CNN, and how kecoh the students are, is undesribable. Lol. And I am still upset that they didn't extend the holidays for whole school except for the Year Ones, which I find it ridiculous pls. And this morning I heard one of students on my blk has confirmed swine flu-infected, can I least smell holidays pls? Haha. I'm sickkkkkkkk :(

I find it hard to walk away sometimes. I find it harder to accept that you never alter yourself.

Its Too Late To Apologise

2009-06-22T22:40:00.003+08:00

Fate decides who walks into your life.
You decide who stays,
who you allow to walk away,
and who you refuse to let you leave you.

Its my decision. I think both of you don't even deserve my attention nor you guys even deserve to have any friendship ties with me. I think I was too gullible back then. Why give me numerous missed calls and text messages now? You're wasting your freaking prepaid. If you guys do have balls, then say it to my face that you're sorry. I gave chances to show your sincereness. But you're still taking advantage of my kindness. Don't even try to pretend or act innocent. Cos I know every single thing about you. And the sad thing is, you friends told me so. Not just some random people. Why shouldn't I listen to them? You tell me. Oh well, life goes on. I've decided not to look back in anger. Lucky you.

Life's Been A Bitch, Lately.

2009-06-21T02:41:00.007+08:00

Random Updates. (Shamim-inspired. Haha)
Because there's so much things happening, sometimes i, myself cannot catch up with the pace -.-

the two weeks of work has been dramatic much. how dramatic? almost everyday there's a different drama. be it personal or work
drama = stress = very mood swing
and that's when i found out K wasn't much of a very nice person
but its okay, i consider it as a blessing in disguise. see how much friends i've made/and be close to due to him
school's been extra shitty.
though i went to school for the straight four days (which is already "wow" to me)
but on thurs, i found out my history faci marked me absent. cb! am i that invisible?!
i feel like bashing him up if i got another warning letter from school (mcm faham only)
so yes, since I am so sleep-deprived, got fed up of school, skipped photography class but only went for my test.
i wasted cab fares on thurs from school in order to reach work on time and also to school -.-
i spend my june pay like water.
no, not on clothes. on cigarettes and food -.-"
yes, i have a very very bad habit now. heavy smoker , heavy eater.
one pack a day, no wonder my money disappear into thin air
at that point of time, i felt that i've got no one to talk to, A's away to my dream holiday destination, haikal and the others went for Ns, JunJie's migrating to China for a month (haha) K's been a bitch. full stop.
I've gain weight like crazy, omg!
can't wait! can't wait for july pay! i need more jeans because can't fit in to some anymore :( need more clothesssssssss! and an ipod maybe?
i want to go zara, topshop, mango, forever 21! and lots more
Still deciding, new haircut?, new hair colour? I just need a new image
i seriously need to update photos here man. but there's just too much, why isn't there such things as bulk uploader here?
lepak sessions is loved!
rashes is back again, now both my hands and legs!
i seriously need to clean up my room before raya
mum says "if u don't clean up your wardrobe, don't buy anymore clothes. because if it goes missing, its your fault, not mine. your wardrobe looks like a forest"
then buy me a bigger wardrobe lah *rolls eyes* hahahaha
after waany told me about my sad entries, then i realised i have 10 sad entries straight in a row. didn't know i was THAT emotional -.-
don't worry readers, i am not sad all the time. its just how i pour my feelings to. i am different outside, trust me. haha
so many june babies, so many parties. talking about birthdays, i am actually psyched for mine which is still 2 months away. lol.
no tailor made baju kurungs/kebaya for Raya this year, first time in my 18 years.
I vowed to myself not to be emotionally attached to someone just yet. Dhai, you have the permission to slap me.
I've always hated how the song Cinta Ini Membunuhku can make me cry. (Okay Dhai, slap me. Haha)
I have a new name, 2 tempeks and a boyfriend named Babyboi (hahaha, inside joke)
Friday night out plans went wrong. You know how much I was looking forward to watch Deputy Siren :(
You're not the person I used to know anymore. "People change"
I owe alot of people birthday presents. I always love to do/give something different, but this year, don't know whats wrong with me either. Lost the vibe baby.
I absolutely hate how can a family fight about money. I wouldn't wana exchange money to someone so precious. I just want grandpa back :(
This is what I hate the most, bad day at work/school. Coming home with Mum telling me about the money issue.
Can I be carefree for a moment?
I want a long, long, long, holiday!!!
I need a personal assistant to make my things organised.
I want to stop dating and stop caring/loving someone. See if it makes a difference.
Needs to hit the gym, pool etc.
O, I won't take you back. Sorry.
I am sleepy and I need to wake up early for Dhai's Cousin's wedding tmr.
Shit, I've still not decided on what to wear. Okay gtg.
Goodbye world. I talked too much today. haha

Babies

2009-06-18T11:51:00.006+08:00

(Not in picture, Etp peeps, Kak Nurza etc.)
Do you guys know that everyday I secretly thank God that I have you guys in my life? For all your support, care & concern, love and most importantly, thank you so much for being there :)
I love you guys deep deep <3
Hahaha.

So school has been kinda sucky. Like it has always been. Haha. First two days of school, and there are tests for us. Photography test was do-able, but History of the Arts was hardcore difficult (stupid essay questions and old oil paintings. Digital Media Arts's filming yesterday was frustrating and today's problem so far is -.- Well, you know what I mean. Haha. Early in the morning I was already planning to skip school but I saw Dad was still in the toilet. Alah rosak plan. And I thought of skipping school halfway for work but I didn't bring my uniform with me. Haaaa... I miss working and my fellow Escapians!

Alright, proper update with more photos soon. For now, I'm still deciding whether I should go to work, but Grandma's in the hospital :( How ah?

Pictures Of You, Pictures Of Me

2009-06-15T04:04:00.002+08:00

Missing someone

gets easier everyday

because even though 

you are one day further 

from the last time 

you saw them

you are one day closer 

to the next time you will.

Credits FLB.

I am just writing to kill time. Daddy just spare me some money to buy my own external hard disk just now at The PC Show, and also because its not fair(!), that he spare some money for bro's bike and none for me! So yes, I'm transferring all my 100 plus photo albums, songs and other files to it. Hehehe I am so happy cause I am hoping my laptop will be lagging no more. Hohoho.

And I just realised this week, I've always been looking at those old photos. (I am doing it again now -.-) Maybe I just miss those old times. Well, yeah. I know my mind's disarray most of the time, but if you were me, who wouldn't? You said you want to, but at the same time I feel you don't want to, you said you want to change, but you never did. They say time changes everything, but I think they're really mistaken because if people want to do so, they can change whenever they want. Its just up to them. Agree?

Believe me or not, a person who I just barely know for an hour (yes, an hour!), talked some sense into me. Nothing lasts forever, true enough. Waiting is alright. But sometimes it does get a little tiring. Sigh.

Okay, before my blog turns into some place where I dump my sorrow shits into, I better stop writing. Haha. Will post some photos soon once my laptop and desktop is organised. Oh my, Look at the time, I have school tmr! Damn. School makes my face go -.-

Confessions Of A Broken Heart

2009-06-12T01:19:00.004+08:00

I still can't believe you were the one who build me up,
and tear me down.

Okay Dhai, slap me -.-

Over You

2009-06-11T03:14:00.002+08:00

You utterly disgust me. You and him (Z) are like from the same species of animals. Psychotic, heartless guys who are just too desperate that you guys are professionally-inclined to do this. Its like a playback system for you guys. That you guys move on so fast, there's always a spare ready. You can talk or tell the whole world about your stupid lovey dovey sweet talk love story, but its all full of crap and bullshits. The best thing is that, you are a two-faced bastard. Maybe your "angel side" doesn't work on me anymore. I wouldn't mind that, but please don't go around brainwashing other people in your selfish manipulative ways, so that they will think we're the ones, psychotic. Low self-esteem jerk, and desperate for attention. I hope God will make karma worst for you.

In the meantime, sorry to say this but your secret's not safe with me. Cos you're definitely fucking not worth it, bitch.

Talk You Down

2009-06-06T12:04:00.003+08:00

Hohoho! I'm back from my short hiatus. Have been working for straight 7 days and 5 full day shifts. I am so sick of being a workaholic and so sick of the stress from work. I don't even wana mention what happened. This week's been pretty dramatic, I guess. Haha. Just that there's alot of things going on be it personal or other reasons. And now it feels as if everyone's leaving. It sure doesn't feel the same :(

And you, K. You're a heartbreaker, and honestly my emotions almost went mad yesterday when I heard I'm not the only one getting hurt. You and your manipulative ways, huh? Well, guess what, you're messing with the wrong person.

Okay to hell with boys. Haha.

I am so deprived of hangouts. Gtg babies. Proper update soon.

Take Me To A Deeper Conversation

2009-05-28T18:31:00.003+08:00

Its been only a few days I've not updated much but alot of things have happened, I think. Still, now I'm trying to get over you. At times, it does feel different without you. But there's nothing I can do either. Have you ever feel, when you're surrounded by people especially your friends, but still feel all alone? Then wishing you would still be here. I have to agree there's no point crying over spilled milk. Do you know it feels worst when I see you around? But, at the same time I do miss you alot. Contradicting much.

School's been, well, still as irritating as it is. But I've been trying to attend every class. this week.
Because, I've been issued a letter from school, unsurprisingly. You know those stupid things. And surprisingly, my parents didn't even scolded me one bit. Though, they did gave me advises that I've been thinking about. Maybe I should just follow it? I do need time off from work, from seeing him and get as much rest from the weekends for school.

And oh, I lost my baby handphone on Tuesday at school -.- Please don't bombard me with questions like where or how I lost it. Cos I don't have a single clue. It wasn't stolen though. All i know is, I went to buy food during break with my classmates. And when I came back more than half an hour later, then I realised I don't have it with me. Power. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me nowadays. Seems like I'm in a daze most of the time. I need a slap, please.

On Monday, I had impromptu Movie plans and dinner with A. We watched Night At The Museum 2. It was hell funny! Two thumbs up! And I had plans to meet up with Kamal on Tuesday. But my phone went M.I.A, I was obviously impossible to be in contact for 2 days. But, we meet up anyways for dinner at Zam Zam. Because I was craving for Indian Kway Teow Goreng -.-" Intially, I wanted to just go somewhere near like S11, but Kamal, standard ah action.

Me: We eat at S11 ah. Very near, I also dont want to go home late.
Kamal: Don't want ah. So near!
Me: Then if go Zam Zam, later go back late lah.
Kamal: I got bike right. 15 mins can reach lah! Haiyo

Then I wanted to go Tm to collect my Sim Card, but Kamal perangai babi like that. So, I had to take it yesterday instead. So sorry to those people who didn't get any reply from me :/

So yesterday. Met Mum at Tm after school, to collect my Sim Card. Then there was this handphone promotion going on. I swear I didn't intend to buy a phone. But Mum was suddenly so nice yesterday, she said she would pay for me first. But, I have to pay her back as soon as I got my pay -.- For once, I thought she wana buy for me. Happy seminit. Now, I already feel broke even though my pay isn't in yet.

Hehe, E63 BLUE. I like!
And Mum, being so gatal also. She bought a handphone for herself too. The same one as mine! But in RED. Haha, jiwa habis.

Alright, I'm all alone at home now and I'm getting scared :/ Meeting Dhai soon for Coffee Talks! Have a great night, people!

How Could You Be So Heartless?

2009-05-25T09:36:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you just don't make sense. I don't know why you're doing this. For good or for bad intentions, I am clueless. I am exhausted of trying to guess or wonder what is even going in your mind. If you think this is funny, then fuck you. I'm just gonna let karma get over you. Honestly, I've never felt this emotional anguish at someone before. Maybe I was putting on hope on you, that I didn't even realised. My big mistake. I hate you, for being so heartless.

PS, Adlynn, I cannot stop listening to this song now!

Near To You

2009-05-22T01:42:00.004+08:00

2:22 AM
He and I, it's something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
Loved him so but I let him go
Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss
Still a little bit delirious, yeah

Near to you, I am healing
But it is taking so long
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yeah, I'm better near to you

Well, you and I, it's something different
And I'm enjoying it as cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading steadily
When I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me, please?

Cause near to you, I am healing
But it is taking so long
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet I'm better near to you
Yeah, I'm better near to you

I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I belong where you are

- Near to you, A Fine Frenzy

I am just trying my very best to sleep. and I am thinking maybe its partly my fault.
I'm sorry, K.

Cause Its Complicated

2009-05-22T00:06:00.004+08:00

1:42AM
I is very sad. I just type of whole bunch of words, sentences, such as "why did i didn't do this and that?" to A, like a whole essay of me talking to myself. When i can write them here -.- I think I got used to talking to myself when I'm pretty much disturb. But I can't do it now, cos my aunt, mum or brother might hear. And now my brother is irritated by me using his laptop. Hehe. Your laptop is more irritating okay, bro. I am now currently waiting for my aunt whose using my laptop for her work stuff.

Today has been okay. I broke my promise to myself. I didn't attend school today.I wasn't late though. I woke up with a massive migraine. And body cramps due to pms. Mum woke me up and asked why was my eyes looked swollen.And she did gave me the green light to skip. There's just this Mother and Daughter relationship.They seem to know what we're thinking or facing. I like being at home today. Mum brought me breakfast, me, my mum and bro cooked together and had lunch together, watched you got served together, to top it off, my mum cooked one of my favourite dishes which made my day.

I'm just trying to post something happier,you see. I do have something sad to post abt. But as much you guys are sick of reading my sad/angry post, I am too :(

Lets just leave it to fate. Its just my luck that I don't really have a wonderful love life to share about.

Sigh,Sigh,Sigh!

On a happier note, photography class tmr sounds interesting! :D

Don't Fall In Love

2009-05-21T01:05:00.008+08:00

"You lips are filled with sugar, but your taste is bitter sweet"

You totally broke my heart today.
I've had enough disappointments in a week.
I hate you guys.
Fuck you.

Audacity

2009-05-20T12:50:00.002+08:00

Today is Sound editing. And I am never good at this editing stuffs. But okaylah, at least its not as difficult as Photoshop. Though I'm having a big migraine already. Need to edit the sound clips carefully, part by part. I am sick of hearing the same sound clip a bililion times, I can already memorise what they're talking. (Must exaggerate abit lah kan. Haha) Some more, we must hand up individual work and everyone in class is making the sian face already. Hahaha.

Okok gtg back to work. I am just so bored of editing, I can fall asleep -.-

Keeps Getting Better

2009-05-19T22:25:00.006+08:00

I’v been wanting to post up photos but blogger has been a bitch. So yes, I was uploading the webcamming photos halfway and it decided to become a bitch, again. Sheesh. There’s been a lot of webcamming going on recently. The habit is back again. Maybe because there’s are new found webcamming partners such as my cousin, my mum and faris. Haha and it came turn out to be superrr funny like the other Wednesday when me, Faris and Dhai disturbs Zafir on Msn. Lol.

Oh yes, outdated photos from last week as usual. Haha, there were more but I’m too lazy to upload. Maybe one day when my blogger’s not being a bitch. Last Wednesday, met Faris and Dhai to help Faris find a birthday present. And we went all around, to look for the perfect one. Tiring okay, but Kobeez a.k.a Faris treat me to my CCC and Oreo Cheesecake at One Fullerton, so its okay. Haha we had too much fun webcamming, we didn’t realise the time, which was near midnight. It’s a school night, bummer. So, me and Dhai cabbed home since we were too exhausted already.

And last Friday was a meet up with Adlynn and Aini. I met siti at school, because that girl psycho me early in the morning to cabot class. Perangai devil right the girl. Haha. We wasted a lot of time, too much time that we got caught for doing something wrong -.- We managed to get away from it, luckily. Haha. Took the train to paya lebar, and Siti starts to psycho me to buy unnecessary stuffs again. And we fought over the unnecessary stuffs -.-“ Hahahah, I swear we look like kids. Okok, so met Aini and Ad at City Plaza. It was raining, so our plans to have Arnold’s by the beach failed. We karaoked for 2 hours at Grandlink, in order to wait for the rain to stop. But sadly, it didn’t. We dined there instead. And off to ECP later that night. More photos here , here and here. Perangai budak malas, what else. Haha.

Anyway, recently I think my body is secretly gaining weight. I could feel it and it scares me sometimes :/ The sudden obsession on eating scares me more. I used to have only one or two meals per day, but now 3 or 4 at least? :O Scary rightt. I seriously need to reduce my food intake, at least I can save my allowance.

This week's plans are pretty much pack. And its only Tuesday, my god.

Just now I had dinner at Subway (again). Met Mat Drug a.k.a Lukman who patiently waited for me to reach Tampines, because I had a test (which was quite a killer btw). I felt so bad. He waited long and still had to treat me. Haha.
Tmr is gym plans with Syafiq, most probably if I'm not lazy. Then I'm meeting Dhai, Faris and Nabila after their movie. We're making this a weekly Wednesday thing, to meet up :)
Thurs is Sheesha with my classmates!
Friday might be a night out with my girls.
Saturday is my workholic Full day shift again.
Sunday is working in the morning and might be meeting Ad and Siti for something.

Of all this plans, I did forgot to put in O inside :/ I did promised him I'm meeting him this week, though. How ah? Haha. See Dhai & Faris, this is why I need an organiser.

Rough Week

2009-05-17T23:35:00.001+08:00

where'd you go?
i miss you so :(

Tired Souls

2009-05-16T01:49:00.004+08:00

I'm sick of the long hours at school, yet I'm sick of skipping school
I'm sick of being exhausted all the time
I'm sick of not being able to sleep at night, earlier
I'm sick of coming to school late everyday
I'm sick of false hopes and expectations
I'm sick of not having equally enough time for both family and friends
I'm sick of not having time for myself
I'm sick of being busy
I'm sick of being unwell
I'm sick of the school and work weekly routine
I'm sick of coming home late every night
I'm sick of being stuck in Singapore
I'm sick of my family not having any family spirit at all
I'm sick of my 2 phones which keeps on dying on me
I'm sick of saving up for the things I want
I'm sick of eating too much but I can't help it, really
I'm sick of thinking too much
I'm sick of my complicated love life
I'm sick of people who came into my life, gives a fucking attitude, leave, and comes back again which is totally idiotic, bodoh.
I'm sick of not knowing what I really want/need in life

I'm just sick of it lah, fuck. Sometimes I wonder how I can stand these things/people. Alright, I think I'm just way too exhausted while writing this. Work tmr. Goodnight.

I Need A Gurantee

2009-05-14T15:43:00.007+08:00

Hello hello. I am finally writing a decent post after what seems like eons. Biase jugak perangai budak malas. Haha. Actually I'm not that lazy lah. Its just that when I'm already enthusiastic to post and I've already click on the "new post" button, something will cropped up at school or home. I have to do something, or i ended up falling asleep even before blogging. Haha.

Okay okay, I'm just super bored now. Cos I didn't go in class again today. I woke up nearly 9 am, and class starts at 915 am. Awesome eh. Haha. Anyways, wasn't the weather so nice to sleep in this morning? So nice until everybody in the house overslept, even with countless of calls from Aunt to wake us up. My mum lagi awesome, she woke me up, and ended up sleeping beside me. Haha. So yes, dah lambat buat hal lambat lah kan. Mum can still took out some breakfast for me and my brother, leftover Rojak Sotong from dinner yesterday that both of us skipped. Got ready and head to school to exchange my ezlink into a new one. Because apparently there's no other dates, then I had no choice but to go all the way to Woodlands again -.-

Now that I'm home, I'm gonna blog abt yesterday, and the week before. HAHAHA.
Okay, maybe just yesterday lah hor, the week before mcm dah basi already. I'm just gonna post up photos.

Okay wait, something cropped up again. Meeting K for awhile before watching movie with A. Will post the photos tonight. Haha

Time

2009-05-10T02:31:00.008+08:00

"Maybe time can fill the empty heart inside.
Maybe time can wipe the tears away"
-Time, David Guetta

I hate it when these feelings come and go.
But then again, he came and make it all go away.
Its just complicated.
Three months didn't feel that long.
I need time, baby. No rush.

Wonder Baby

2009-05-09T23:53:00.000+08:00

I want to share this video because I think the baby is too adorable to not watch! Been watching it everyday since my classmates shared it to me. Like now, even though my connection sucks, I still wana wait -.- Nk anak mcm gini boleh tak! Hehehe

I want to post up photos but I think I'm getting tired now. Been going home in the wee hours in the morning for the past 2 days and I'm totally shagged. But so far, things have been better. I'm feeling way better, retail therapy and my 3rd date with K yesterday, made my week feels so much better. Haha okay you get the drift, I'm happyyyyyyyyyy.

Okay gdnight everybody. Tmr morning must reach work earlier to open the shop. Haha sumpah I sound like nyonya jual ikan. Random sia! Haha okay bye.

Broken Strings

2009-05-06T01:23:00.008+08:00

"I tried to hold on but it hurts too much.
I tried to forgive but its not enough to make it all okay"

I realised that my blog entries have been dull and boring. But that doesn't mean my life has been like that. A lot of personal stuffs happened, but I'm just too busy with school and work to even bother about it. Or is it I'm just trying to avoid it?

I am clueless, and sometimes think its pointless for you to do what you are trying to do now. Its not that I don't treasure love, memories or what we've been through, God knows very well I'm not that type of person, you should too. I'm not being egoistic either when I say I'm over you. There are times when I do miss you because you knew almost everything about me. You knew what I want, what I love, how my attitude is, almost everything. But it hurts the way you treated me for. The way you take me for granted. I endured too much, gave way too many chances. You knew you still had your chances but you were too busy entertaining your egoistic mind. It hurts when you say those things, don't you know that? Your contradiction annoys me. By the time you came back, I’m sorry but it’s just a little too late. I TRIED bringing all those feelings back, but it saddens me too cause I and it don't feel the same anymore.

People have been talking. But I don't bloody care. Because they're not in my shoes. Because they don't know how my love life sucks so bad. It goes in a cycle: Fall in Love, Fall out of Love. Fall in Love again, then Fall out of Love, yet again. I'm just getting too tired for this. I'm not surprised if I had wasted litres of teardrops on guys who are definitely not worth it. Its not that I've found someone new, either. The scars accumulate and it frightens me to fall in love. I feel that it’s more of a phobia, now. I'm afraid of these words of 'relationships', 'commitments' and 'love'. But it’s not fair, I constantly told myself to take chances and risks. Because who knows? Others are not the same. Unfortunately, one had to hurt me again. And I fall back to where I was before. I’m not trying to prove anything. I’m just hoping people would just understand me. For what I am going through and for what I’ve been through.

Love,

Nat M.

Ath's Eighteenth

2009-05-05T10:21:00.001+08:00

I’ve skipped class for 2 days now. My unhealthy habit is coming back! But I couldn’t help it. Its not that I don’t want to attend class, but even if I do I don’t think I can neither concentrate in class, nor help my team mates with the problem of the day. The week started off pretty bad for me. The abdominal pains came cramps attack me as early as 5 am yesterday. I was stuck in bed and couldn’t move at all. Thank goodness Mum have not slept yet, and she was there for me. Not like the last time, I was alone and everyone was asleep! But she panicked most of the time, and wanted to bring me to the hospital.. But I tried to endure the pain, though. Thank god also, it didn’t last more than an hour plus after Mum gave me something to drink. Now, I’ve been having bad migraines and slight fever. I can’t walk a certain pace too :(

Looking on the bright side, K is finally back home in SG. Met the boy at the usual place, and he surprised me with a watch, and bought the similar one for himself. Awwww, sweet like that. Haha. K, I know you’re gonna read this. Jgn imitate what I say here, boleh tak? Malu sekali. Haha. But anyways, thank you so much for it. I love it!

These are the photos from Last Saturday. My babygirl Ath turn 18 last Thursday. But member sad lah, cos everyone busy on her birthday. Haha, I bet she didn’t know what we had planned for her. Happy 18th, ATH! I really hope you enjoyed your birthday this year! Love you!
PS; sorry for the wrong age on your cake! Haha, our bet! (Next year no need celebrate eh? LOL)

One of my favourite songs by Aircon. Haha

Caught In The Middle

2009-04-28T10:25:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling very exhausted lately. I guess its due to the late nights, I spend trying my best to understand Adobe CS4, which I am still struggling. So complicated! I think I'm just not cut out to edit photos, just the basics maybe? Haha oh whatever. At least I've tried. I'm in the midst of collecting all my photos for my portfolio into my newly made Flickr account. I'm not that much of a photographer lah right -.- So if you do wana see it, you can ask me for the link which is pretty obvious that its link to this blog. Haha. Very shy ah wana expose.

Anyway, I had a very bad monday yesterday. Or maybe I was so tired that I geta little emotional. Feels like everything's getting too strict including my parents and they are expecting so much from me. Fuck. Its only been a week of school, and I cannot tahan already. I screwed my 3 modules already. I need peserverance, lots of them. And a slap everday to keep me awake -.- Looking on the bright side, there's no school on Friday! Alright, gtg. Its filming today. Bahhh.
Photos from last friday and my classes, down below.

Take It Easy On Me

2009-04-24T11:17:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the short hiatus people! Well, if you guessed its about school then you are correct! Sheesh. Everything's been so strict ever since the new principal came. And adding to it, STA is much less the same. I heard that there's a chance that we will be kick out of the school if our grades and GPA is bad. And since I'm already in Year 2, there's still portfolio and CE points I need to clear. One last thing, my faci(s) are strict in terms of discipline and studies. I even have homework now, omg. One of them is to "master Adobe Photoshop in one week". Pantat betul. Soon enough, we have to bring home dslr(s) and have our own photoshoots in the weekends because my faci want us to take part in Photography Competition. But I'm working lah, fuck. Everything is hectic nowadays. When I'm in school, all I think about is the problem statement and most of the time we barely have time to eat and go for smoke breaks. Bahhh, if you noticed that I've grown fat, you're not wrong, really. I eat like a pig after school and at home, because I don't have cigarrettes :(

I even have no time to blog, I think while posting the photos below, I fell asleep 3 times. Thats why I take longer time to post. Haha. And now, I do have time because today Wei Yan infuenced me to skip History of the Arts class and she even make me grow fatter cos she didn't finish her food, that I had to finish it -.- I just can't see unfinished food! Like what Keith used to say, "do you know that the people in Zimbabwe don't have food to eat?" Haha inside joke thingy.

Oh yes, School's not been THAT bad lah. Its just that school system sucks, but I have nice and kecoh classmates. Glad that its not those quiet kind that makes you sleep and not want to attend class. Haha. And my Digital Media Arts and Photography & Digital Imaging class is the dopest. Super fun, but at the same time stressful because we're learning to use the camera manually and it sucks if the photos didn't turn out great. Alright, photos from DMA and photography class, soon.Times when we were fooling around too. Lol. Take care, readers :) Till I have the time to blog again.

Updated with outdated photos. Lol

You got me Hypnotized, So Mesmerized.

2009-04-18T02:14:00.004+08:00

"Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?"

Today was pretty eventful. Thanks you for today, K :)
I will only upload 2 of the rest of the photos from today here.
More at Lifeinanotebook.

I've been too busy having fun with the dopest friends. Sometimes when I come to think about it, they're all I ever needed, plus family of course. Life and love is complicated as it is already is. There are times where I tried to run away from them. Its just difficult when you're trying so hard to not break other people's heart when you're the one who is still hurt and end up getting hurt yet again. I have major insecurities issues and I just hope people would understand. Friends keep saying "Don't worry abt what others think, as long as you're happy". Maybe I'm not like that, because I know how it feels. I wouldn't wana keep hiding such things from others, unfair for them both and its so weird. Only time will tell.

And after reading the paragraph, I actually laughed to myself. How dramatic. Haha.
Okay, work at freaking 9 am tmr. Gdnight world.

Life is a Maze, Love is a Riddle

2009-04-16T02:01:00.002+08:00

Currently having that irritated feeling. Or maybe I’m just getting kanchiong after getting the text message from RP, which says this

“From RP STA: You are required to install Adobe CS4 Suite in your laptop before term start. It is compulsory for all T205 Module students. Failing to do so will affect your daily grades. “

Sial ah, I don’t even know wtf is that -.- And my T205 module is on Tuesday. Great, just great. The bloody school also have no initiative to tell us earlier. Any STA students even got a clue abt this? Inform me please, thank you. Haha.

And if you still don’t know by now, my 3 months honeymoon (holiday) period is coming to an end in just a few days time. Totally unprepared for school physically, mentally, equipped-ly. Because I am very the enthusiastic on taking the extra elective module, I have no holiday on every Wednesdays, but it’s okay. There is one less study week every semester, so there are lesser chances of me pandai-pandai want to make my own holiday. And now, tests are held after school, so screw the long hours. I was just thinking of getting myself involve in an IG/CCA, but yeah, forget it -.-

So much of complaining abt school, but at least class starts 15 mins later at 915 am everyday, when the freshman batch this year has to report at 830 am. *evil laugh* And at least, I’m doing the modules that I want this year, so I have to die die suck it all up. Well, that’s basically what I am looking forward to school. 4 more days to being a no life kid again. There were lots of times when I wanted to quit work, so I can have more rest. I need the extra cash, for my shopping addiction. And it’s bad like that. EXSA awards is the other reason too. Sheesh. God, please rain money!

Last week photos! From the family gathering and my 2nd day shopping trip to Vivo with with Dhai, Jarnah, and Bella.

I am super tired now! Will post some more update soon!

Karaoke last Sunday with the Gay boys. Very impromptu as usual, and I ditch my plans to meet O and lepak with K :/ But its okay, I still had fun, and I'm in love with Cash Studio now. Haha. Lesson Learnt, 1) bring a jacket or something to cover my nose because Nazrul farts alot in an aircon room -.- 2) Do not sit beside ShaSha a.ka. Shafiq because he will start a pillow fight. Haha

Random at Work by Sukarno.

Losing Touch

2009-04-11T04:01:00.010+08:00

"I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around"

Its 4:41 am now. Just woke up from a deep sleep an hour ago. Felt so so much better now! The flu bug, fever and "running tap water" wasn't much of a help. Whats best is that I had another sleepless night yesterday and ended up sleeping at 9am, then the Mum woke me up at 11 to help out at Aunt's open house come Natalia's Cukur Rmbt thingy at the Tampines Premier. Great. Did I mention the flats were really nice! So breezy and there's a nice view just by every room's window! Mum, how about we move there? Haha.

Will be busy with the Family these few days cos Mum has been noisy that I've been too busy. Sheesh! Mum, brother is worst okay! And the Mum has also booked me to go Giant, Ikea, Tamp One etc with her next week. But I miss...

watching rugby matches
happy pills
friday night out with gfs
colleagues
hang outs with adlynn, siti, wy
wednesdays at JJ's starbucks with dhai
and late night lepak with you-know-who

Photos from last week. Cos I'm slow like that.

Could You Be The Reason?

2009-04-07T05:54:00.004+08:00

I am exceptionally HAPPY now. Sometimes words just can't describe this feeling. Like having those butterflies in your stomach, every now and then you came to realise that you keep smiling to yourself when you came to think of him/her, and when you're with him/her, you would just wished that there's more than 24 hours in a day, just to see and spend more time with of him/her. And it is good, because this feelings don't come that often :) Its just my dirty little secret, for now. Haha.

And today is payday! Going shopping with A today! :D

Quit Playing Games With My heart

2009-04-06T04:18:00.010+08:00

Like finally I've blogged -.- Sup everyone? Haha. I had a fucking great week! Plans were fun and I enjoyed every moment of it. No stress, baby. Just fun, laughter, great company.

Okay, maybe not until work kick off during the weekends, where I, unsurprisingly got kanchiong lah. First time had to do the DS job with no one to coach me on that day, and also had to be at the Flume Shop until closing, alone! Money = Stress, Stress = Money. But thank god, there's colleagues who helped me in the end.

Everything was pretty okay. In fact, I am happy most of the time now, until this afternoon, where I got unexpected call and text messages from O. Sumpah irritating. It took him almost one month to realise his mistake and apologised, only when R argued and knock some sense into him. But yeah lah, by now I seriously couldn't be bothered already. Fikir funfair per. Mainkan perasaan org.

Anyway, the photos which took forever for me to upload is here. Hehe.
Now I'm on my lazy mode already. So I'm just gonna summarise ok.

Amazing Race at Senstosa with the Rides Crew last Tuesday. Kecoh and fun! With the amount of people there, you could imagine. Haha. Me, Naz and Bella came late so we just come to sebok2 only. While they were in their teams, running around all around Sentosa, me and Bella went sightseeing, taking photos here and there. Quite interesting lah, cos whenever I go Sentosa, only headed to the beach. Heh, something different there. More photos H E R E
On Wednesday, Plans were to hang out with the girls, Adlynn, Siti and WY. But a pity WY ended up being sick, cos I've not seen her for the longest time! Okay, so we went Karaoke-ing at Katong. Yeah lah, the last time with the guys I only sang one song, (which is a Hari Raya Song btw), only because I was forced. Shy lah kan -.- With the girls, we went crazy! Which was fun lah, unleashing the Spice Girls, Britney Spears, PCD, jiwang2 in us. Not forgetting can rap for In the Ayer and I Don't Wana Know. There's a video below of us singing, Still cracks me up till now. Hahaha. And ECP was next where we had our girls talk. Ily guys.
The rest were photos from Marc Jacobs mini fashion show where Estella gave us the invitation instead cos she went ill. The models were frigging hot lah okay, I think they're like my age? I think I can turn lesbian also if I keep looking at them. Haha, ok kidding. And the rest were my overdue Friday Nights with Ath.

Yay, I am finally done with this post!
(With this post only, there some more photos from the Rugby match and lepak sessions on Thurs and Friday. That one next time lah, haha)