With Friends Like These.

And today I realised that my temper is coming back. For good or for worst? I don't know. Fuck, but I was totally pissed just now. Totally. You guys don't know anything, then don't fucking say anything you guys wana say. We broke up already. What do you guys want me to do? So if I just broke up, I'm supposed to stay home and cry, cry, cry and be upset over an unappreciative guy? (No offence) But yeah, I've gone through heartbreaks for too many times already, its like I'm already immune to it. Yes, I'm seeing some guy. That doesn't mean I'm going straight into a relationship. I need time myself. And what? You guys really think guys spend alot of money on me? Ask the ex-boy yourself. I think I spent more on him. Now, I am seriously thinking why would I even call you guys my "friends". You guys are so shallow and disappointing. To think that you've known me for years, and still think that I'm that kind of girl?

I don't understand what people are expecting from me sometimes. Its like they want me to be like this, or expect me to react like that. Get this in your head, are you guys really there for me when I'm sad? No, because you guys fucking care about yourself. I don't like myself to be sad, to react in such a way, because I think I'm missing on alot of good things. I don't want to brood over issues that are already long gone. And they are such a waste of time and waste of my tears. I like to be dependent on myself and I don't like to depend on others sometimes. It is my nature to bottle things up to myself. I look fine but that doesn't mean I am okay.

I have alot of things in my head. Like alot. That is why I've been hanging out with you guys, cos I know you guys can make me laugh like mad. And thats what happy pills are for, right? Not this. And I really appreciate you guys for caring about me. I know that O doesn't seem presentable and appealing to your eyes. He doesn't to me too. But, I decided not to judge a book by its cover, this time. Other people deserves some chances too. Not being boastful, but I've met alot of guys and I know how to take care of myself. Instead, I really do feel comfortable and safe when I'm with him. I know its too early to judge, this is why I'm not in a relationship with him. I know what I am doing.

About the break up thing. We have been having issues that has been going on for so long. Its not because of O. It was never because of him. There, said it all. This should be a private post. But fuck it, I don't bloody care already.

That feels good, actually :)