Broken Strings

"I tried to hold on but it hurts too much.
I tried to forgive but its not enough to make it all okay"

I realised that my blog entries have been dull and boring. But that doesn't mean my life has been like that. A lot of personal stuffs happened, but I'm just too busy with school and work to even bother about it. Or is it I'm just trying to avoid it?

I am clueless, and sometimes think its pointless for you to do what you are trying to do now. Its not that I don't treasure love, memories or what we've been through, God knows very well I'm not that type of person, you should too. I'm not being egoistic either when I say I'm over you. There are times when I do miss you because you knew almost everything about me. You knew what I want, what I love, how my attitude is, almost everything. But it hurts the way you treated me for. The way you take me for granted. I endured too much, gave way too many chances. You knew you still had your chances but you were too busy entertaining your egoistic mind. It hurts when you say those things, don't you know that? Your contradiction annoys me. By the time you came back, I’m sorry but it’s just a little too late. I TRIED bringing all those feelings back, but it saddens me too cause I and it don't feel the same anymore.

People have been talking. But I don't bloody care. Because they're not in my shoes. Because they don't know how my love life sucks so bad. It goes in a cycle: Fall in Love, Fall out of Love. Fall in Love again, then Fall out of Love, yet again. I'm just getting too tired for this. I'm not surprised if I had wasted litres of teardrops on guys who are definitely not worth it. Its not that I've found someone new, either. The scars accumulate and it frightens me to fall in love. I feel that it’s more of a phobia, now. I'm afraid of these words of 'relationships', 'commitments' and 'love'. But it’s not fair, I constantly told myself to take chances and risks. Because who knows? Others are not the same. Unfortunately, one had to hurt me again. And I fall back to where I was before. I’m not trying to prove anything. I’m just hoping people would just understand me. For what I am going through and for what I’ve been through.

Love,

Nat M.