Take Me To A Deeper Conversation

Its been only a few days I've not updated much but alot of things have happened, I think. Still, now I'm trying to get over you. At times, it does feel different without you. But there's nothing I can do either. Have you ever feel, when you're surrounded by people especially your friends, but still feel all alone? Then wishing you would still be here. I have to agree there's no point crying over spilled milk. Do you know it feels worst when I see you around? But, at the same time I do miss you alot. Contradicting much.

School's been, well, still as irritating as it is. But I've been trying to attend every class. this week.
Because, I've been issued a letter from school, unsurprisingly. You know those stupid things. And surprisingly, my parents didn't even scolded me one bit. Though, they did gave me advises that I've been thinking about. Maybe I should just follow it? I do need time off from work, from seeing him and get as much rest from the weekends for school.

And oh, I lost my baby handphone on Tuesday at school -.- Please don't bombard me with questions like where or how I lost it. Cos I don't have a single clue. It wasn't stolen though. All i know is, I went to buy food during break with my classmates. And when I came back more than half an hour later, then I realised I don't have it with me. Power. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me nowadays. Seems like I'm in a daze most of the time. I need a slap, please.

On Monday, I had impromptu Movie plans and dinner with A. We watched Night At The Museum 2. It was hell funny! Two thumbs up! And I had plans to meet up with Kamal on Tuesday. But my phone went M.I.A, I was obviously impossible to be in contact for 2 days. But, we meet up anyways for dinner at Zam Zam. Because I was craving for Indian Kway Teow Goreng -.-" Intially, I wanted to just go somewhere near like S11, but Kamal, standard ah action.

Me: We eat at S11 ah. Very near, I also dont want to go home late.
Kamal: Don't want ah. So near!
Me: Then if go Zam Zam, later go back late lah.
Kamal: I got bike right. 15 mins can reach lah! Haiyo

Then I wanted to go Tm to collect my Sim Card, but Kamal perangai babi like that. So, I had to take it yesterday instead. So sorry to those people who didn't get any reply from me :/

So yesterday. Met Mum at Tm after school, to collect my Sim Card. Then there was this handphone promotion going on. I swear I didn't intend to buy a phone. But Mum was suddenly so nice yesterday, she said she would pay for me first. But, I have to pay her back as soon as I got my pay -.- For once, I thought she wana buy for me. Happy seminit. Now, I already feel broke even though my pay isn't in yet.

Hehe, E63 BLUE. I like!
And Mum, being so gatal also. She bought a handphone for herself too. The same one as mine! But in RED. Haha, jiwa habis.

Alright, I'm all alone at home now and I'm getting scared :/ Meeting Dhai soon for Coffee Talks! Have a great night, people!

How Could You Be So Heartless?

Sometimes you just don't make sense. I don't know why you're doing this. For good or for bad intentions, I am clueless. I am exhausted of trying to guess or wonder what is even going in your mind. If you think this is funny, then fuck you. I'm just gonna let karma get over you. Honestly, I've never felt this emotional anguish at someone before. Maybe I was putting on hope on you, that I didn't even realised. My big mistake. I hate you, for being so heartless.

PS, Adlynn, I cannot stop listening to this song now!

Near To You

2:22 AM
He and I, it's something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
Loved him so but I let him go
Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss
Still a little bit delirious, yeah

Near to you, I am healing
But it is taking so long
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yeah, I'm better near to you

Well, you and I, it's something different
And I'm enjoying it as cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading steadily
When I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me, please?

Cause near to you, I am healing
But it is taking so long
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet I'm better near to you
Yeah, I'm better near to you

I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I belong where you are

- Near to you, A Fine Frenzy

I am just trying my very best to sleep. and I am thinking maybe its partly my fault.
I'm sorry, K.

Cause Its Complicated

1:42AM
I is very sad. I just type of whole bunch of words, sentences, such as "why did i didn't do this and that?" to A, like a whole essay of me talking to myself. When i can write them here -.- I think I got used to talking to myself when I'm pretty much disturb. But I can't do it now, cos my aunt, mum or brother might hear. And now my brother is irritated by me using his laptop. Hehe. Your laptop is more irritating okay, bro. I am now currently waiting for my aunt whose using my laptop for her work stuff.

Today has been okay. I broke my promise to myself. I didn't attend school today.I wasn't late though. I woke up with a massive migraine. And body cramps due to pms. Mum woke me up and asked why was my eyes looked swollen.And she did gave me the green light to skip. There's just this Mother and Daughter relationship.They seem to know what we're thinking or facing. I like being at home today. Mum brought me breakfast, me, my mum and bro cooked together and had lunch together, watched you got served together, to top it off, my mum cooked one of my favourite dishes which made my day.

I'm just trying to post something happier,you see. I do have something sad to post abt. But as much you guys are sick of reading my sad/angry post, I am too :(

Lets just leave it to fate. Its just my luck that I don't really have a wonderful love life to share about.

Sigh,Sigh,Sigh!

On a happier note, photography class tmr sounds interesting! :D

Don't Fall In Love

"You lips are filled with sugar, but your taste is bitter sweet"

You totally broke my heart today.
I've had enough disappointments in a week.
I hate you guys.
Fuck you.

Audacity

Today is Sound editing. And I am never good at this editing stuffs. But okaylah, at least its not as difficult as Photoshop. Though I'm having a big migraine already. Need to edit the sound clips carefully, part by part. I am sick of hearing the same sound clip a bililion times, I can already memorise what they're talking. (Must exaggerate abit lah kan. Haha) Some more, we must hand up individual work and everyone in class is making the sian face already. Hahaha.

Okok gtg back to work. I am just so bored of editing, I can fall asleep -.-

Keeps Getting Better

I’v been wanting to post up photos but blogger has been a bitch. So yes, I was uploading the webcamming photos halfway and it decided to become a bitch, again. Sheesh. There’s been a lot of webcamming going on recently. The habit is back again. Maybe because there’s are new found webcamming partners such as my cousin, my mum and faris. Haha and it came turn out to be superrr funny like the other Wednesday when me, Faris and Dhai disturbs Zafir on Msn. Lol.

Oh yes, outdated photos from last week as usual. Haha, there were more but I’m too lazy to upload. Maybe one day when my blogger’s not being a bitch. Last Wednesday, met Faris and Dhai to help Faris find a birthday present. And we went all around, to look for the perfect one. Tiring okay, but Kobeez a.k.a Faris treat me to my CCC and Oreo Cheesecake at One Fullerton, so its okay. Haha we had too much fun webcamming, we didn’t realise the time, which was near midnight. It’s a school night, bummer. So, me and Dhai cabbed home since we were too exhausted already.

And last Friday was a meet up with Adlynn and Aini. I met siti at school, because that girl psycho me early in the morning to cabot class. Perangai devil right the girl. Haha. We wasted a lot of time, too much time that we got caught for doing something wrong -.- We managed to get away from it, luckily. Haha. Took the train to paya lebar, and Siti starts to psycho me to buy unnecessary stuffs again. And we fought over the unnecessary stuffs -.-“ Hahahah, I swear we look like kids. Okok, so met Aini and Ad at City Plaza. It was raining, so our plans to have Arnold’s by the beach failed. We karaoked for 2 hours at Grandlink, in order to wait for the rain to stop. But sadly, it didn’t. We dined there instead. And off to ECP later that night. More photos here , here and here. Perangai budak malas, what else. Haha.

Anyway, recently I think my body is secretly gaining weight. I could feel it and it scares me sometimes :/ The sudden obsession on eating scares me more. I used to have only one or two meals per day, but now 3 or 4 at least? :O Scary rightt. I seriously need to reduce my food intake, at least I can save my allowance.

This week's plans are pretty much pack. And its only Tuesday, my god.

• Just now I had dinner at Subway (again). Met Mat Drug a.k.a Lukman who patiently waited for me to reach Tampines, because I had a test (which was quite a killer btw). I felt so bad. He waited long and still had to treat me. Haha.
• Tmr is gym plans with Syafiq, most probably if I'm not lazy. Then I'm meeting Dhai, Faris and Nabila after their movie. We're making this a weekly Wednesday thing, to meet up :)
• Thurs is Sheesha with my classmates!
  
• Friday might be a night out with my girls.
• Saturday is my workholic Full day shift again.
• Sunday is working in the morning and might be meeting Ad and Siti for something.
  

Of all this plans, I did forgot to put in O inside :/ I did promised him I'm meeting him this week, though. How ah? Haha. See Dhai & Faris, this is why I need an organiser.

Rough Week

where'd you go?
i miss you so :(

Tired Souls

• I'm sick of the long hours at school, yet I'm sick of skipping school
• I'm sick of being exhausted all the time
• I'm sick of not being able to sleep at night, earlier
• I'm sick of coming to school late everyday
  
• I'm sick of false hopes and expectations
• I'm sick of not having equally enough time for both family and friends
• I'm sick of not having time for myself
  
• I'm sick of being busy
• I'm sick of being unwell
  
• I'm sick of the school and work weekly routine
• I'm sick of coming home late every night
  
• I'm sick of being stuck in Singapore
  
• I'm sick of my family not having any family spirit at all
  
• I'm sick of my 2 phones which keeps on dying on me
• I'm sick of saving up for the things I want
  
• I'm sick of eating too much but I can't help it, really
• I'm sick of thinking too much
  
• I'm sick of my complicated love life
• I'm sick of people who came into my life, gives a fucking attitude, leave, and comes back again which is totally idiotic, bodoh.
  
• I'm sick of not knowing what I really want/need in life
  

I'm just sick of it lah, fuck. Sometimes I wonder how I can stand these things/people. Alright, I think I'm just way too exhausted while writing this. Work tmr. Goodnight.

I Need A Gurantee

Hello hello. I am finally writing a decent post after what seems like eons. Biase jugak perangai budak malas. Haha. Actually I'm not that lazy lah. Its just that when I'm already enthusiastic to post and I've already click on the "new post" button, something will cropped up at school or home. I have to do something, or i ended up falling asleep even before blogging. Haha.

Okay okay, I'm just super bored now. Cos I didn't go in class again today. I woke up nearly 9 am, and class starts at 915 am. Awesome eh. Haha. Anyways, wasn't the weather so nice to sleep in this morning? So nice until everybody in the house overslept, even with countless of calls from Aunt to wake us up. My mum lagi awesome, she woke me up, and ended up sleeping beside me. Haha. So yes, dah lambat buat hal lambat lah kan. Mum can still took out some breakfast for me and my brother, leftover Rojak Sotong from dinner yesterday that both of us skipped. Got ready and head to school to exchange my ezlink into a new one. Because apparently there's no other dates, then I had no choice but to go all the way to Woodlands again -.-

Now that I'm home, I'm gonna blog abt yesterday, and the week before. HAHAHA.
Okay, maybe just yesterday lah hor, the week before mcm dah basi already. I'm just gonna post up photos.

Okay wait, something cropped up again. Meeting K for awhile before watching movie with A. Will post the photos tonight. Haha

Time

"Maybe time can fill the empty heart inside.
Maybe time can wipe the tears away"
-Time, David Guetta

I hate it when these feelings come and go.
But then again, he came and make it all go away.
Its just complicated.
Three months didn't feel that long.
I need time, baby. No rush.

Wonder Baby

I want to share this video because I think the baby is too adorable to not watch! Been watching it everyday since my classmates shared it to me. Like now, even though my connection sucks, I still wana wait -.- Nk anak mcm gini boleh tak! Hehehe

I want to post up photos but I think I'm getting tired now. Been going home in the wee hours in the morning for the past 2 days and I'm totally shagged. But so far, things have been better. I'm feeling way better, retail therapy and my 3rd date with K yesterday, made my week feels so much better. Haha okay you get the drift, I'm happyyyyyyyyyy.

Okay gdnight everybody. Tmr morning must reach work earlier to open the shop. Haha sumpah I sound like nyonya jual ikan. Random sia! Haha okay bye.

Broken Strings

"I tried to hold on but it hurts too much.
I tried to forgive but its not enough to make it all okay"

I realised that my blog entries have been dull and boring. But that doesn't mean my life has been like that. A lot of personal stuffs happened, but I'm just too busy with school and work to even bother about it. Or is it I'm just trying to avoid it?

I am clueless, and sometimes think its pointless for you to do what you are trying to do now. Its not that I don't treasure love, memories or what we've been through, God knows very well I'm not that type of person, you should too. I'm not being egoistic either when I say I'm over you. There are times when I do miss you because you knew almost everything about me. You knew what I want, what I love, how my attitude is, almost everything. But it hurts the way you treated me for. The way you take me for granted. I endured too much, gave way too many chances. You knew you still had your chances but you were too busy entertaining your egoistic mind. It hurts when you say those things, don't you know that? Your contradiction annoys me. By the time you came back, I’m sorry but it’s just a little too late. I TRIED bringing all those feelings back, but it saddens me too cause I and it don't feel the same anymore.

People have been talking. But I don't bloody care. Because they're not in my shoes. Because they don't know how my love life sucks so bad. It goes in a cycle: Fall in Love, Fall out of Love. Fall in Love again, then Fall out of Love, yet again. I'm just getting too tired for this. I'm not surprised if I had wasted litres of teardrops on guys who are definitely not worth it. Its not that I've found someone new, either. The scars accumulate and it frightens me to fall in love. I feel that it’s more of a phobia, now. I'm afraid of these words of 'relationships', 'commitments' and 'love'. But it’s not fair, I constantly told myself to take chances and risks. Because who knows? Others are not the same. Unfortunately, one had to hurt me again. And I fall back to where I was before. I’m not trying to prove anything. I’m just hoping people would just understand me. For what I am going through and for what I’ve been through.

Love,

Nat M.

Ath's Eighteenth

I’ve skipped class for 2 days now. My unhealthy habit is coming back! But I couldn’t help it. Its not that I don’t want to attend class, but even if I do I don’t think I can neither concentrate in class, nor help my team mates with the problem of the day. The week started off pretty bad for me. The abdominal pains came cramps attack me as early as 5 am yesterday. I was stuck in bed and couldn’t move at all. Thank goodness Mum have not slept yet, and she was there for me. Not like the last time, I was alone and everyone was asleep! But she panicked most of the time, and wanted to bring me to the hospital.. But I tried to endure the pain, though. Thank god also, it didn’t last more than an hour plus after Mum gave me something to drink. Now, I’ve been having bad migraines and slight fever. I can’t walk a certain pace too :(

Looking on the bright side, K is finally back home in SG. Met the boy at the usual place, and he surprised me with a watch, and bought the similar one for himself. Awwww, sweet like that. Haha. K, I know you’re gonna read this. Jgn imitate what I say here, boleh tak? Malu sekali. Haha. But anyways, thank you so much for it. I love it!

These are the photos from Last Saturday. My babygirl Ath turn 18 last Thursday. But member sad lah, cos everyone busy on her birthday. Haha, I bet she didn’t know what we had planned for her. Happy 18th, ATH! I really hope you enjoyed your birthday this year! Love you!
PS; sorry for the wrong age on your cake! Haha, our bet! (Next year no need celebrate eh? LOL)

One of my favourite songs by Aircon. Haha