Love Game

"You said me there's tons of fish in the water.
So the waters I will test"

Days has been alright? Although everyday since I said we were through, has been a challenge. Everything was alright at first, I could take it and suck it all up. But as days passed by recently, its gets harder than before. It doesn't help it either, when I saw old photos again (-.-), read other girl's blog who coincidentally had the same anniversary as us, and worst, there was a whole paragraph of number 17. Haha, okay it sounds funny the way i type it. But, you know the feeling. Can't help it but I'll start to reminisce. Oh well, I guess its true what you said, there's nothing we can do about it.

And yesterday, when I was going through horoscopes in a February magazine. I found this for my sign.

"You've been breaking up and making up with your boyfriend for months. On February 18, Mars will cause one more big blow-up. Another (better) guy is waiting patiently for you..."

There's more, but the last part was really mean. So yeah. Haha. I'm not saying that these things are true, though the first part was hit right on the spot. The better guy thing, I don't think there is, for now. Maybe O is the better guy, but the problem always lies with me. And I feel bad at times for pushing him away too many times. I don't know, let's just follow what the heart says.

Well, yesterday was my wednesdays at JJ with Dhai plus Tia! Usual norm, camwhoring, catching ups and especially heavy gossips! Haha. Like what Dhai said, if we were to be fasting, our fast would be really worthless with all those gossips.Lol. Anyway anyway! I know my posts has been all wordy, so yes, I am excited for finally posting up photos here. Though there's super alot more. Heh.




Dhai is obsessed with Starbucks. Starbucks Drink, Starbucks Organiser, Starbucks Lanyard, and she has a Starbucks Water Bottle. Even her eyecandy now has to be working at Starbucks :P Don't kill me, dhai. Hahaha.

Daydreamer.

Did you guys see the rainbow yesterday? Its a pity if you didn't. It was really pretty!

I think I should start quitting now.
I don't know why this looks horrible, Haha.

Our favourite place.

And I went off earlier. To meet Double O and his friends. And my phone had to go dead on me! I couldn't remember his number either, great.. I did the most ridiculous thing. I had to ask this guys who asked for my number for help. Lol, so I had to used one of their phones and put in my sim card to call O. Hahaha, I can't believe I did such a crazy thing. And I'm being so mean, to not reply their msg when they've already helped me. Lol.

Finally met up with O. Then more of his friends came. Shikin, Afiq (!), Leon and some other else I couldn't rmbr their names. Cabbed home at almost 2. Mum was already screaming, she thought I was kidnapped or something -.- And my phone had 15 messages from 8 people asking where I was. Woah, I feel such a burden so suddenly. Sorry! Though the only person who didn't came looking for me was my Dad. Instead, he came to me today and ask me this;

Dad: Yesterday you go where?
Me: *Boring face* Somewhere lah.
Dad: Oh you go Zouk issit? *with the kening naik2 expression* and the grinning.
Me: -.-" Cannot go through lah, I'm still 17.
Dad: Who knows.... You go home so late at 2 am.
Me: What only.
And the father kept on laughing. Haha, other people worry abt how I was, he worry abt how did my night went. Gerek per. Lol.

I HAVE A NEW BABY COUSIN. HEHEHE.
Welcome to this cold world, Natalia Aisha.
(Cold as in 1. unfriendly and uncaring: feeling or exhibiting no friendship or sense of caring
2. at low temperature) Yes, both meaning. Haha.

She looks so identical to Sofie when she was born. But, Natalia looks more chinese-inspired. In a good way, of course. She is so adorable. But I think I got so used to taking cacat photos of other people, that I didn't realised that I took an unglam photo of her sleeping with her mouth open. (Refers to above photo). Haha.

My Aunt who hasnt had her rest since she was on labour.

The Big Sister, Sofie. Who was paying more attention to the "baboon" (balloon) that I bought for her and her sister. But when I wanted to take Natalia away, she will say this;
Me: Sofie, today I bring home adik k?
Sofie: No.....................Oh no no no no.
Like all the way No. Haha so cute.


The day started hectic. Everyone didn't know who to visit first. Grandma was sick again due to the side effects of her medicine, Uncle was admitted to Sgh, and the new baby was in KK and nobody took care of Grandpa. But it went well, me and Mum was rushing here and there. Tiring.
But still I can't sleep now although the Sun is already up and its 7.22 am now. And I'm meeting J for lunch at Simpang after his prayers. Okay, I should sleep! Gdnight everybody.

Delete!

They say decisions should be made carefully, reviewing through all the effects and consequences and thinking twice, thrice or more is always the key. But I can't handle it anymore. I hate boys (Well, some of them). I hate how it seems that everyone else are deciding on what I should do instead. In the end, I'm the one who is unhappy because someone will get unhappy. As usual, I decided to do what I do best. Delete the person off my life. Both A and O. No more headaches, and heartaches, I hope. Its gonna be difficult. To think that you're in my mind 24/7, but its fine. Its going to be fine.

So then, I think I should start thinking about myself. About what I want to do. Well, in Sg what can you do when you're below 18? Haha. I was thinking I should start saving up. As all of you know, Me and Saving can't really click! So..... Yes, how does a 2nd job sounds? Busy much.

Anyways. Yesterday was the results of Semester 2, and Alhamdullilah, (Thank God) I managed to pull through despite all those skipping classes and not attending classes. Phew! I am really hoping I'd get the extra module. Please....

I've been busy with my Mum's side of the family. Grandma has been hospitalised, and yesterday me and Mum had to wake up super early to take care of poor grandfather and my sick cousin. And today, I'm the one who is having a fever -.-

Despite meeting up and catching up with certain friends that I'm pretty much psyched about this week, GUESS WHAT! My aunt's due this week, and I'm getting a pretty little girl in my life pretty soon :) Hoho!

I love God. Whenever somebody else left my life, there's always another one coming in.
Thank you.

With Friends Like These.

And today I realised that my temper is coming back. For good or for worst? I don't know. Fuck, but I was totally pissed just now. Totally. You guys don't know anything, then don't fucking say anything you guys wana say. We broke up already. What do you guys want me to do? So if I just broke up, I'm supposed to stay home and cry, cry, cry and be upset over an unappreciative guy? (No offence) But yeah, I've gone through heartbreaks for too many times already, its like I'm already immune to it. Yes, I'm seeing some guy. That doesn't mean I'm going straight into a relationship. I need time myself. And what? You guys really think guys spend alot of money on me? Ask the ex-boy yourself. I think I spent more on him. Now, I am seriously thinking why would I even call you guys my "friends". You guys are so shallow and disappointing. To think that you've known me for years, and still think that I'm that kind of girl?

I don't understand what people are expecting from me sometimes. Its like they want me to be like this, or expect me to react like that. Get this in your head, are you guys really there for me when I'm sad? No, because you guys fucking care about yourself. I don't like myself to be sad, to react in such a way, because I think I'm missing on alot of good things. I don't want to brood over issues that are already long gone. And they are such a waste of time and waste of my tears. I like to be dependent on myself and I don't like to depend on others sometimes. It is my nature to bottle things up to myself. I look fine but that doesn't mean I am okay.

I have alot of things in my head. Like alot. That is why I've been hanging out with you guys, cos I know you guys can make me laugh like mad. And thats what happy pills are for, right? Not this. And I really appreciate you guys for caring about me. I know that O doesn't seem presentable and appealing to your eyes. He doesn't to me too. But, I decided not to judge a book by its cover, this time. Other people deserves some chances too. Not being boastful, but I've met alot of guys and I know how to take care of myself. Instead, I really do feel comfortable and safe when I'm with him. I know its too early to judge, this is why I'm not in a relationship with him. I know what I am doing.

About the break up thing. We have been having issues that has been going on for so long. Its not because of O. It was never because of him. There, said it all. This should be a private post. But fuck it, I don't bloody care already.

That feels good, actually :)

Baby, I Can Feel Your Halo

Sorry for taking a freaking long time to reply the tags. Hehe. But here goes;

Wani: Hehe yeah but swimming can't really help me to lose weight although I really like swimming. U should learn! Its fun!
Ath: Oh, no wonder ure skinsandbones. Hahaha. Change body with me ah, ath.
Syazwani: Hehe, I waited for so long already. Its okay dear, your hair will grow! :)
Estella: I said ath was skinny lah. Haha, okay i've fixed it. Take lahh, i don't mind. Lol.
Ein: Thankssssss man! :D
The J Man: JJ, i don't care. You owe me starbucks for hurting my feelings. Hahaha. Why do i even look like an african tribe? -.- Doesn't make sense sia.

Gym sessions has been cancelled. My thighs are aching so bad -.- I think I should give it a rest a day to two. Wouldn't want to overwork. Swimming on Thursday was fun. Went with Dhai in the late afternoon, and bumped into Syaz & Naq there. Taught Dhai and Naq how to swim. Dhai, 10 bucks per hour okay? Hahahahaha. Since it was a Thursday, we decided to make Thursday our swimming day. Yey!

Then, I went to meet Double O after his work. Chilled somewhere at PR. He was as usual, annoying at times. Since he was busy with work and stuffs, we decided to update each other. And I told him about what I've been up to.

N: I've been going to gym and swimming. I just started lah, I want to try to be consistent in exercising.
O: Go swimming for what....
N: I want to lose weight and have a flat tummy lah. Cannot ah?
O: Wait, no need to exercise lah. So no guy will ask for your number. *Evil laugh*
N: -.-

At times like this, I swear he was asking for a slap. Lol. His so unsupportive of me doing workouts. But nevermind, since he was only kidding and according to him, we rarely meet up, so must tahan.

So today, Gym plans with Yan and Dhai were canceled. I couldn't make it to watch the Rugby Match either cos Mum didn't want us to be late to visit Granny at CGH. But I heard you guys won this time round. Congrats! But eh, please reply us about the outing tmr -.-

I was pretty down at this period of time today because of both A and O. But when I received this..It totally brightened up my day. Thanks Love! :)

The picture post is taking sometime. Hehe. I've been going out everyday, for 2 weeks straight. I am so damn lethargic. But I can't stay home. It feels so depressing. But its halfway done. So no worries. Haha. Take care people!

Obsession

Today was better. Better because I found something to get myself to be obsessed about, besides being sad over you-know-who. So yes, met Ath for a gym session at 9. I decided to get myself disciplined for now, although I only slept for 2 hours. Fortunately,the effort didn't go to waste because 1) I lost at least 1 kg after gym 2) Now, I weigh the same as Ath! (although I don't know why she still look fucking skinny -.-) 3) There were at least 5 cute guys there, if I'm not wrong. And it also means that I've got more motivation to go gym almost everyday. Haha! Maybe I should watch VS fashion shows a little couple more times so it can keep me going. Probably doing my swimming laps and gym too, tmr! :D

If my Dad still rmbrs that I've got an appoinment tmr, which clearly he doesn't, I might go along with the plans. I am tired. I am so tired of trusting people, of receiving disappoinments and making me feel more depressed. And this really doesn't help me on cutting down on cigarrettes. I should stop putting hope on others and start to depend on myself. Cos reality sucks like that. Here I go again feeling sad when this was suppose to be a happy post.

On the other hand, I should thank my girls, so much for listening to my woes and also both them boys and my gfs, for the very exciting week that made me all hyped up!

Photos up later.

Without You

Imy, alot.
I don't even wana remember what date is it today.

Morning Perk Up!

I swear I hate being sad.

Okay a little something which perk up my mood in the morning.

I was still sleeping and Mum was as usual, noisy. Not nagging, i mean. She is loud in nature. Haha.
So yes, I was half awake when she came into my room. Telling me to not to come to my grandmum's place that late. Blah blah blah. She was at my mirror using my perfume, when suddenly she screamed!

"EH ASL MUKE AKU GEMUK NI?!!"
"WHY MY FACE SO FAT LIKE THAT???!!!"
"ADIK, MY FACE FAT AH?"

and it goes on.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I couldn't stop laughing and couldn't go back to sleep after that. Omg, I should be the one screaming instead of my mum. Haha. Mum's nowadays.

Time To Heal

"Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?"

This week has been pretty eventful. There are lots ups and downs. I don't know whether I should be talking abt the ups or downs first?

Let me see. My granduncle died unexpectedly on Monday. That is when I had this sudden impact on me. First was, it was really really unexpected. For someone who was active regardless of physically or mentally, little did me or my family knew this was coming. Then I realised that anything can happen in this life. And it of course made me appreciate the people around me better.
Secondly, I felt bad. I took the chances of meeting him alive, for granted. I couldn't even remember when was the last time I saw him. Which was worst.
I think its just the nature of most humans nowadays, to take things for granted, not appreciating the people around them and when you lost it so suddenly, it hurts real bad, does it?

What happened yesterday was totally unplanned. And what sucks the most is, I lost 2 people from my life in one week. I've had enough, I'm sick of people leaving.

I do accept facts and fates. I can get over this, easily. But its not always that easy. Whats more, I've always have difficulties dealing with Changes. This is a drastic change. I'm still wondering how am I gonna get over it. The date on the 17th has always been something special for me for-almost-2 years now. Now its just a date, just a fucking date.

The worst Valentine's I've ever had so far. Who cries on Vday, man? But it made me realised who am I to you and how long I've been bottling up to myself all this while. I've been an expert pretender. And now, I am still pretending I am alright when I'm not. When I'm not over it but I said I am. When I said I didn't care about you anymore but I kept asking to myself or others, how you were doing. I am glad that I've spent alot of time with my closest ones today, because they made me forget about almost everything. But at times like this, when I'm alone and when everybody's in bed. I felt emotionally weak. I can't stop thinking.

Images of you and me are almost everywhere. In my phone, facebook, friendster, my photo albums, even in my room. Can't deny that it didn't hit me real bad.

Its feels like I breathe you all the time.

Because You Used To Be my Everything

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never let forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I'll be fine. I just need Time.

February Babies

I know you guys must be asking like "how come this girl can change layout but cannot blog ah?". Am i right? Hahaha, despite my nature of being lazy to blog, I did wanted to upload really-overdue-photos yesterday, but oh wells, blogger has some problems again. But at least I made the effort to WANT to blog. Lol. And I am finally satisfied with my layout now. Hehe.

I've uploaded some photos at Facebook too, since its the easiest to upload photos there. Now i feel some sense of accomplishment.

Anyway, this week I've been too busy having fun. And there's too much photos! Oh my. I think I'll start uploading them here next week when I'm free. I am too tired everyday but my eyes still refuses to shut even though its after a fucking tiring day. Don't understand why its reacting like this. Irritating lah! Its tiring me and driving me nuts.

There's quite alot of February Babies. So here it goes.
HAPPY SEVENTEENTH TO;

Estella Jacobs!
8 Feb.

Quraisha!
10 Feb.

Khai Dut!
12 Feb.

HAPPY TWIENTIETH TO

Ijan!
14 Feb.

And also HAPPY LEGAL BIRTHDAY to Anati!
Hope you guys enjoy/enjoyed your birthdays! ^.^

Happy Valentine's Day, readers!
I am working on Vday, wtf right?

17 Things

1. Yay! I've changed my boring white background blog to something more colourful!
2. Have no idea why IE is giving problems again. Maybe its my laptop?
3. Today was like a roller coaster ride. The day starts awesome, then I felt sad, then something perk my mood up and then I'm sad, again.
   
4. My mum keep nagging to me, to spend wisely in this recession period -.-
   
5. I cannot do that cos I'm always deprived of clothes, clothes and more clothes!
6. Haven't been sitting at home a lot lately. No more couch potato bebeh!
7. But I want to save money, so no choice but to rot at home on some days.
   
8. I want to work.
9. There's approximately 2 months left of my holidays. So I think I can forget about a job.
   
10. Insomnia's coming back to me.
11. This week sounds exciting :)
12. Things to do; Update photos here, friendster and facebook.
    
13. Yours truly has been going out a lot. Miss home food :(
14. But then again. I'm cutting down on food intake.
15. I want to watch Brad Pitt in The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button! Who wants to watch with me?
    
16. No proper update. Because Ath & Dhai will probably strangle me if I'm late again. Haha!
17. I think this song tells so much more....
    

Heartless.

Hello beautiful people :)

I think life's been pretty okay right now, although I've been having doubts here and there. My mind is not calm most of the time. But now, I think things are starting to show better and clearer. Whatever it is, its your loss and not mine. I've gone through alot of shits and I'm not letting anyone take advantage of me. Never.

Just reached home from town with Dhai. Surprisingly, that girl wants to follow me go shopping when she was discharge just yesterday. But its okay, thank god she didn't faint or anything. And oh! Shopping just now felt realllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy good! And it was spent wisely. Okay not that wisely, but at least I spend below 50 bucks for one item and for that small amount of pay I've got, I think I managed to shop for alot of stuffs. Hehe. Including the kimono top that went OOS online! Imma happy kiddo right now. BUT, I'm broke. Lol.

This week's gonna be pretty exciting! Can't wait! Can't wait! A proper update tonight, with photos I suppose :)

Alright, need to meet "Double O" for dinner now.

Depressed

So far from the days that I've not been blogging, my life has been really dramatic and I've not been much happier in my life for the past week(s).

I decided to stop everything, just for the best. But now, I felt like I lost someone important. Someone who would always be there for me.

Now not even shopping could cheer me up. Yes its that bad!

:(

On a lighter note, Cousin Hana gave me a random call just now to inform me that she's pregnant! Oh my was I happy for her! 2 babies on the way!

He's Just Not That Into You?

I feel worst and at the same time it felt good? Because you deserve it. Okayyy, I sound so mean right now. Its difficult to describe how I feel. Feelings changed, i guess? Its getting a bit too long for me to wait. But wait, I am waiting for you to change? Will that even come (?), I always asked myself.

That time of the year is nearing not forgetting Vday, I feel like I'm the only person whose just not psyched about it. Maybe just not as psyched as I was last year. I didn't plan anything to do for you, I didn't plan anything to wear, I can't even imagine what will happen on that particular day. Maybe I've just lost the vibe to do so. And it was supposed to be a special day. Sigh.

And then there's this other feeling.

How complicated can it get?